Good to see these sneering Hollywood liberals get their noses out of joint ain’t it. McCartney flat out making Bush jokes but gets all sulky when he’s the butt. Good luck to Ricky Gervais.

“Its going to be a night of partying and heavy drinking, or as Charlie Sheen calls it, breakfast.”

“I like a drink as much as the next man, unless the next man is Mel Gibson”

“Seems like everything this year was three-dimensional. Except the characters in The Tourist.”

“I tell you what, I’m jumping on the bandwagon, because I haven’t even seen The Tourist. Who has?”

“Please welcome Ashton Kutcher’s dad, Bruce Willis.” (Kutchner is married to Willis’s ex Demi Moore)

“Next up, Eva Longoria has the daunting task of introducing president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, (which runs the ceremony) Philip Berk. That’s nothing, I just had to help him off the toilet and pop his teeth in.”

“I’ve had hundreds of emails asking me why The Invention of Lying wasn’t nominated. ‘I don’t know why! Maybe the DVD will win an award… That’s out on Tuesday at Walmart.”

“The creator of facebook Mark Zuckerberg is reportedly worth seven billion dollars. Heather Mills calls him the one that got away.”

“Actors aren’t just loved here in Hollywood, they’re loved the world over because they’re recognisable. You can be in the Third World and you get a glimpse of a Hollywood star and it makes you feel better. You can be a little child, a little Asian child, with no possessions, no money – but you see a picture of Angelina Jolie and you think, ‘Mummy!”

“It is an honour to be here in a room full of what I consider to be the most important people on the planet: actors. They’re just better than ordinary people, aren’t they?”

“Just looking at all the faces here reminds me of the great work that’s been done this year… by cosmetic surgeons. You all look great.” (Camera pulls quickly away from newly face lifted Meryl Streep)

“One stereotype I hate is that all Irishmen are just drunk, swearing hell raisers. Please welcome Colin Farrell.”

“One thing that can’t be bought is a Golden Globe- Officially. I’m not going to do this again anyway…But if you were to buy one, the man to see would be Philip Berk.” (President of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, which runs the ceremony)

“We actually came over on the same flight, (Paul McCartney) but I didn’t get to speak to him. I was up in the front in first class, and he was behind me in coach saving money. He spent an awful lot last year.”

“Two heterosexual actors (Jim Carey Ewen MacGregor) pretending to be gay, so the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists then. My lawyers helped me with the wording of that joke.”

“Sex And The City 2 should have won the special effects award for ‘the team that airbrushed that poster’. Girls, we know how old you are. I saw one of you in an episode of Bonanza.”

“Many of you in this room probably know him best from such facilities as the Betty Ford Clinic and Los Angeles County Jail. Please welcome Robert Downey Jnr”